Marriage

Scripture shows that God created man and woman by differing methods and with different designs, deliberately choosing to make us in a way that pictures Him and His relationship with us (Gen 1:26-27). Very prominent in this design is the aspect of "maleness" and "femaleness"-- characteristics that have no meaning apart from the concept of sexual reproduction and parenting.

Here we must pause a moment. Maleness and femaleness are so intrinsic to our biology and psychology that we are likely to take them completely for granted as necessary aspects of our physical being, separate from any spiritual design. However, if we cast an eye over all God's creatures, we see that sexual reproduction is not the only means of propagating life. Many forms of asexual reproduction exist in creatures ranging from plants, to bacteria and yeasts, to animals like lizards, salamanders and hammerhead sharks. Couldn't God have used one of these designs to house our souls? Or what about the many creatures that reproduce both sexually and asexually (e.g. slime molds, ants, bees and daphnia)? Even amongst creatures that only reproduce sexually, we find great variety of biology and behavior (consider sea horses, salmon, lions, etc.).

When we consider these alternative designs, we are drawn to the conclusion that our sexuality is neither incidental nor biologically necessary; rather, it was God's conscious decision (Gen 1:26). Through this choice, he reveals His wisdom and nature (Rom 1:18-20), and He equips us with the physical tools our souls can use to reveal "the image of God" (Gen 1:27). Notice, though, that biology alone does not constitute "the image of God"-- our conduct and our attitudes are critical. In the study of marriage, we learn how our physical, social, emotional and moral aspects can all be brought together into a beautiful picture of Him as He relates to humanity. It includes the aspects of promise, permanence, intimacy, exclusivity, complementary roles, fruitfulness and joy that characterize our relationship with Him. Ultimately, marriage tells the Gospel of reconciliation with God, and gives us great reason to praise our Savior and Bridegroom, Jesus!

God laboriously defined and fiercely protected marriage. Much as we would like a simple "sound bite" definition of marriage, God does not provide it. Instead He builds the definition gradually and meticulously from Genesis to Revelation using laws (e.g. Lev 20:10, Ex 22:16, Dt 22:23-27), narratives (e.g. Gen 20:3-8), songs (e.g. SS 4:10-16), proverbs (e.g. Pr 30:20-23, Pr 31:10-31), prophecies (e.g. Hos 2:1-7, Rev 21:9-10), analogies, (e.g. Is 62:5), metaphors (e.g. Jer 3:14, Ezk 16:8), and criticisms (e.g. Mal 2:16, Pr 6:26). By examining all of these together, we can get a very detailed picture of God's design for marriage, and how it can guide us in our relationship with Jesus.

Biblical marriage involves the formal, exclusive and permanent union of a male and female into a single "unit". Interestingly, it is presented as a form of REunion or reconciliation: at Creation, the woman was brought forth (separated) from the man and given independent existence; in marriage she reunites with him physically and socially, with fruit and blessing as the result (Gen 1:26-27, 2:23-25, Eph 5:22-32). The aspect of "differentness" is significant to this picture of reunion: marriage does not depict the friendship of two identical beings, but rather the reunion of man with his Creator; hence, God emphasizes the difference between the man and woman in their creation, design and role (e.g. Gen 2:7, 2:21-22, Dt 22:5, Nu 30:6-8). The aspect of "independence" is also important to the picture: marriage depicts the reunion of two that are first separated or "alienated" from each other (like man is alienated from God by his sinful exercise of moral independence); hence prospective marriage partners should not be of the same family or household, even if they are genetically different (Lev 18:6-18, 20:11-12, Mt 14:3-4, Mk 6:18-19).

Once they are married, their relationship with each other becomes their primary social relationship and their lives become inextricably linked (Gen 2:24). The wife is expansively/exclusively her husband’s; her identity and life are bound to his (Gen 12:11-20, 20:2-18, 39:7-9, Ex 20:14, 17, Lev 18:8, 16, 20, 19:20, 20:10-11, Nu 5:12-31, Dt 22:22, 24:1-4, 27:20, Pr 6:20-35, Jer 29:23, Mk 6:17-18, Rom 13:9, 1Cor 11:7-9). The husband has authority over the wife (Eph 5:22-24, 1Cor 11:3-11, Nu 30:3-15), as well as a responsibility to provide and care for her lovingly and sacrificially (Eph 5:28-29, 1Ptr 3:7).

Though the roles of husband and wife are different as designed by God, males and females themselves are equal in their standing before God (Gen 1:27, Gal 3:27-29, Mt 22:30). Yes, the husband is granted authority in the husband-wife relationship, but not because he is inherently superior to the female: authority is simply a role played by the male in acting out God's gracious and loving relationship with mankind. It is God that is superior, not the male who plays the part of God. In fact, the husband should take God's view of servant-authority (Mt 23:11-12), best manifested in the example of Jesus (Mt 20:21-18, Jn 13:3-16, Php 2:5-11). Likewise, the submission and service assigned to the role of wife do not imply inferiority. In fact, the woman is described as a "help" to the man using the same Hebrew word that is applied to God when describing Him as our helper and deliverer (cf Gen 2:18-22, Ps 33:20, 121:1-2). Moreover, submitting one to another is a general command to all Christians-- husband and wife alike (Eph 5:20, 1Pt 5:5-6). Hence, the husband is not to treat his wife with contempt, but rather with honor (1Pt 3:7).

As designed by God, marriage is joyous and peaceful and life-long (Pr 18:22, Is 62:5). Logistically, there must be a decision and agreement to marry (expressed outwardly as a betrothal or engagement), a moment when the marriage formally begins (a wedding ceremony is assumed in Scripture), and a period when the marriage is in effect. God's plan is that this period proceed exactly until death-- it should not end in divorce or abandonment prior to death (see Divorce), but neither does it extend beyond death (Mt 22:24-30, Lk 16:18, Rom 7:2-3).

Because the marriage itself is a good thing, the wedding ceremony that initiates it is rightfully an occasion of great celebration and fond memory (Jer 2:32, 7:34, 33:10-11, Jn 2:1-11, Rev 19:7). Defiling marriage with impurity, violence, or ungrounded accusations is abominable and punishable before God; (Dt 22:13-30, Pr 12:4, 18:22, 19:13-14, Eze 22:11, 33:26, Mal 2:13-17, 3:5, Mt 5:27-32, Lk 16:18, Rom 1:22-32, 1Tim1:9-10, Heb 13:4, Rev 22:14-15). Sexual impurity violates and profanes the marriage, and may lead to the broken fellowship of Divorce (Dt 24:1-4, Mt 19:3-12, Mk 10:2-12, 1Cor 7:10-16).

Within the context of marriage, the man and woman can share sexual intimacy-- the ultimate in interpersonal closeness, sharing and mutual identification. Sexual intimacy is reserved ONLY for marriage: within this boundary it is good, joyous, clean and helpful, but outside this boundary it is a sinful perversion of God's good design, a betrayal of one's rightful partner, and an invitation of cursing in the form of alienation, disease and eternal damnation (Gen 34:1-2, Ex 20:14, 22:16, Lev 15:16-33, 18:19-23, 19:20, 20:13, 20:18, Nu 5:11-31, Dt 23:17, 27:20-23, Jdg 19:22-20:28, 2Sa 11:1-12:15, 1Ki 14:22-24, Pr 5:15-20, 6:20-35, 18:22, Jer 5:7-9, Eze 18:5-13, 22:9-16, 33:25-27, Hos 4:1-3, Amos 2:7, Mt 5:27-28, Mk 7:20-23, 1Cor 6:9-10, 6:15-7:5, 10:8, 1Ti 1:9-10). Godly seed is the desired fruit and blessing of marital intimacy, whereas barrenness is a curse (Gen 1:28, 3:20, 38:6-10, Ex 23:25-26, Dt 25:5-10, Ps 128:1-3, Hos 9:11-17, Mal 2:15, Lk 1:24-25).

When death breaks the marriage partnership, the surviving spouse is deeply wounded. As with other forms of broken fellowship, there is a time of proper mourning that honors God by appropriately recognizing the great value of the lost relationship and grieves over the sin that caused it (Jn 11:32-35, Acts 8:2, 20:37-38, Rom 5:12). Because the roles of the male in marriage included provision, protection and nurturing the wife, his death can leave behind widows and orphans that are particularly needy and vulnerable-- God gives special concern to their provision and protection (Ex 22:22-24, Dt 10:17-18, 14:22-29, 16:1-17, 24:17-21, 26:12-15, 27:19, Ps 68:5, 146:9, Pr 15:25, Is 1:23-24, 10:2, Jer 22:1-5, 49:11, Zec 7:9-13, Mal 3:5, Mt 23:14, Lk 20:46, Ja 1:27).

Marriage as a picture of God's relationship with us. Having created and defined marriage as a permanent, exclusive, intimate and publicly-covenanted union between a man and an “otherly” woman (i.e. independent but derived from and having the same nature), God then uses it as a picture of His relationship with His people.

God’s relationship with Israel or the Church is like the marriage covenant or sexual union of a Husband with his wife (Is 54:5, Eze 16:8-14, Mt 22:1-13, Mk 2:19-20, Jn 3:28-29, Eph 5:22-32, Rev 19:7-9, 21:2, 9-11, 22:7). This picture of marriage is the essence of the Gospel, in which those who were initially separated from God are reconciled and united with Him (Eph 2:11-17). God invites us to imitate this Gospel of reconciliation in ways big and small (Lev 18:19, 15:19-28, 1Cor 7:5, Eph 4:32, 4:36, etc).

As our Husband, God rejoices in us, purifies us, beautifies us, and provides good things for us (Is 62:3-5, Eze 16:3-14, 18-19, Hos 2:5-8, Eph 5:25-29, Rev 19:8, 21:9-11). He holds rightful authority over us (1Cor 11:3, Eph 5:22-24). He compassionately chose us for this relationship, and loves us even if we are unfaithful (Hos 2:1-3:5, Jer 2:32-3:22, Eze 16:58-63). Nevertheless, He jealously wants our sole affection and fidelity, and He hates it when we seek our pleasure, our purpose or our provision aside from Him, or when we give our worship or service to a false god (Ex 34:14, Josh 24:19-20, Nah 1:2, Zec 1:14); He likens these things to adultery, prostitution or whoredom, and He punishes them severely (Lev 20:5, Is 1:21, Jer 3, Eze 16:15-63, 23:1-49, Hos 1:2, 2:1-3, 4:12, 5:3-4, 15, 6:7-10, 8:9-10, 9:1, Mic 1:7, Nah 3:1-7, Mk 8:38, 2Cor 11:1-3, Ja 4:4-5). Notice that Jesus is central to the picture of marriage: the church collectively is His bride, and we individually should keep our eyes and affection on Him (Heb 12:2) without following after others (2Cor 11:1-3) and without attempting to attract its following to ourselves (Jn 3:29-30).

The story of Ruth is particularly poignant and comforting for Gentiles in that Ruth was a Gentile who, because she embraced God and His people, achieved fruitfulness under the provision, protection and comfort of Boaz (Ruth 1-4, cf Eph 2:12-20). This story gives us cause to rejoice in our Kinsman-redeemer and Husband, Jesus (Gal 4:4-5, Heb 2:9-17).

Understanding the picture as God designed it leads us to reject homosexuality and bestiality: both fail to depict a person (represented by a female "wife") reuniting with the God that made them in His image (represented by a male "husband") in a properly submissive, fruitful and permanent relationship (Gen 19:4-13, Lev 18:22-23, 20:13-16, Jdg 19:22-24, Rom 1:26-27, 1Cor 6:9-11).

Excellent as marriage is, it is merely a temporal picture of our heavenly relationship with Christ (Mt 22:30, Mk 12:25, Lk 20:34-36, Rom 7:1-3, Eph 5:23-32, Rev 19:7-9, Rev 21:9-10). God calls and enables some to live unmarried so as to devote themselves more thoroughly to Christ Himself, and for such there is special blessing (Mt 19:9-12, 1Cor 7:1-9, 25-40, 9:5-12).

God used the death of a spouse as a picture of losing something joyful or precious (Eze 24:16-27, Joel 1:8); He also used it to demonstrate being joined and fruitful toward only one husband at a time: either sin or Jesus (Rom 7:1-6)

Our response and depiction: be a virtuous bride to Christ, honor marriage, and make our marriages the best picture possible of the affectionate and intimate relationship between Christ and the Church.

View marriage as a good thing to be supported and celebrated, not forbidden (Dt 24:5, 20:7 1Cor 7:1-2, 28, 36-38, 1Ti 4:1-3, 5:14, Rev 19:7).

Take pleasure in your spouse, yearn for your spouse, welcome your spouse without withholding yourself-- and whether or not you are married, do all these things spiritually toward Jesus (SS 3:1-4, 4:16, 1Cor 7:3-5; also see Lk 5:33-35). Don’t commit spiritual adultery by yielding to other gods or teachings (Mal 2:11, Eze 16:1-46, 23, Jer 3, 2Cor 11:2-4), but be "a garden locked up" for Jesus alone (SS 4:12). Bless & honor our Husband by having the inner beauty He desires; obey/submit to Him (Pr 31:10-31, Pr 19:13, 1Cor 11:3, 1Ptr 3:1-6). Recognize gratefully that our provision comes from Him (Hos 2:5-9). Produce Godly seed and rejoice that God makes us His fruitful bride (Is 54:1-8, Mal 2:15); welcome children as the good and intended fruit of an intimate marital union (Lev 18:21, 1Ti 5:14).

Be Christ-like husbands to our wives and Church-like wives to our husbands. Husbands, live with and lead your wives with gentle wisdom; bless them, please them, delight in them exclusively, and consider them a blessing; sacrificially give them your self and all that is best, as Christ gave Himself for the Church (Pr 5:15-20, Ex 20:17, Dt 5:21, 24:5, Num 30:3-15, Pr 18:22, 19:14, Mt 5:27-28, 31-32, 1Cor 7:3-5, 32-33, Eph 5:25-33, Col 3:19, 1Ti 3:2, 12, Tit 1:6, 1Ptr 3:7 vv Acts 6:4). Wives, love and submit to your husbands as to Christ; cultivate the inner beauty that brings good and honor to your husband; (Pr 12:4, 31:10-31, 1Cor 11:3, 14:34-35, Eph 5:22-24, Col 3:18, 1Ti 2:9-15, 3:11,Tit 2:4-5, 1Ptr 3:1-6)

Let the marriage bed be undefiled: respect the good limits God has placed on sexuality by eschewing fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and any form of marriage or sexual union that would be inappropriate, mismatched, unclean, unfruitful or transient (Lev 18:6-23, 20:10-21, Pr 6:20-35, Mt 5:27-32, 1Cor 5:1-13, 6:9-20, 7:36, 10:8, 2Cor 12:20-21, Eph 5:5, Heb 12:16, 13:4). Don't entice others to violate these good limits-- dress modestly and avoid inappropriate extramarital intimacy (1Ti 5:1-2, 1Ti 2:9, Is 3:16-17). Share God's hatred of divorce and marital violence; let our marriages be characterized by righteousness, judgment, lovingkindness, mercies and faithfulness (Hos 2:19-20, Mal 2:13-16, Mt 5:31-32, 19:3-9, 1Cor 7:10-13).

Care for the widows (Is 1:17-23, Jer 7:5-7, 1Ti 5:3-16, Ja 1:27).

Be prepared for the marriage of the Lamb in our simultaneous roles of "bride," "bridesmaid," and "guest": no excuses, dressed in the righteousness of Christ, ready and watching (Mt 22:1-14, 25:1-13, Rev 19:7-8).


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